Thoughts I have at night after watching a horror movie

1. Okay, honestly, that movie was so cheesy and fake. It wasn’t even scary at all.

2. See? I’m just going to turn off the light and walk to my bed.

3. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing is going grab me from under the bed.

4. Oh shit. It’s really dark.

5. Oh my god, can the monsters sense my fear?

6. RUN!

7. Whew, made it to my bed. I’m safe. I will not die today.

8. Wait – by saying that did I accidently jinx myself?

9. No. Take a deep breath and you’ll be fine.

10. Was that just a sound I heard?

11. Relax. It was probably just the wind.

12. BUT THAT IS WHAT EVERYONE IN HORROR MOVIES THINK AT FIRST AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT THEM!!!

13. Think of something else. Think of something else.

14. Pizza.

15. Yeah, pizza is good. Think about eating pizza.

16. What if the pizza is poisoned by some evil ghost doll?

17. AHHHHHH

18. OMG I’M SLEEPING WITH A HUGE STUFFED ANIMAL THAT WOULD PROBABLY KILL ME IF I DON’T LOVE IT ENOUGH!!!

19. Don’t think about haunted toys. Don’t think about haunted toys.

20. I’m totally thinking about haunted toys.

21. I should probably hug my stuffed animal and say “I love you” a couple of times so it doesn’t kill me.

22. Was that enough?

23. What about the other stuffed animals? What if they get jealous?

24. No, it’ll be alright. Even if someone tries to kill me, there are other people in the house.

25. But what if they get possessed?

26. AHH STOP THINKING ABOUT THE EXORCIST.

27. But even if some possessing spirit is in the house, they wouldn’t possess my parents, right?

28. BUT OMG MY SISTER IS THE PERFECT AGE TO GET POSSESSED!!

29. Hm… what if I pretend to be on the side of evil?

30. I wouldn’t die, then, would I?

31. Or if I pretend I’m indifferent about being sacrificed to them?

32. They wouldn’t actually kill me then because then they’re sadistic creatures who wouldn’t be able to torture me enough?

33. Right?

34. I mean, if I’m not scared then they’ll get bored and stop bothering me.

35. (How to avoid bullying 101)

36. But what if they’ll still kill me?

37. Because if they truly are sadistic creatures, the blood spurting out of my body should be enough.

38. *shudders*

39. STOP THINKING ABOUT BLOOD SPURTING OUT OF MY BODY.

40. Okay, I kind of feel uncomfortable sleeping in this position. Maybe if I just turn around a bit…

41. NO I CAN’T DO THAT. THEN THE MONSTERS WILL BE ABLE TO SNEAK UP ON ME WITHOUT ME KNOWING.

42. Okay, I have roughly 7 more hours of sleep. If I can survive for seven hours, I will be safe.

43. WAIT only an hour passed?

44. This will be a long seven hours.

45. But at least it’s not 12 hours like in the Purge.

46. WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THINKING ABOUT HORROR MOVIES.

47. Whatever. It’ll be okay. Tomorrow I’ll be safe. We have school. The teachers will protect us. (No they won’t.)

48. Wait a minute. If we have school tomorrow…

49. That means that today is Sunday…

50. SHIT I HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO